Secure for Sea

repurposed marine line, repurposed fishing hook, pantyhose, recycled polyester

Securing for sea involves tying down or stowing loose objects on a ship in preparation for getting underway or before entering rough weather. In Piloting Seamanship and Small Boat Handling by Charles F. Chapman, “One secures for sea when he puts extra lashings on moveable objects to prevent their shifting.”

As a Deck Watch Officer in the Coast Guard (position of a person who physically drives ships), I was required to perform at exceptionally high standards because the level of responsibility and potential risks were high. Although I worked for years to achieve my professional qualifications and even Captain’s License, I can remember giving a Navigation Brief and feeling like my body was about to shut down. I almost wasn’t able to finish my sentences. Somewhere within, I violently told myself to pull it together because I could not have a mental break down in front of my entire crew. I gathered up all the terrible and confusing feelings, wound them together and cinched them down HARD. I had secured for sea.

This piece is meant to visibly capture the actions I took during that Navigation Brief: reaching within to franticly tie down all the emotions I was drowning in, and make them secure to continue to do my job. This battening down became a common action for me, but ignoring my body’s cues and pretending my declining mental health didn’t exist made this much harder to do over time. It took collapsing at work and a hospitalization before I realized how bad my condition was, and how much help I truly needed. Ironically, when making this piece at home, the weight of materials became too heavy and the entire artwork crashed to the floor having ripped the hook out of the ceiling.

After this breaking point, I sought help for my mental health and am much better. All those years ago I worked so hard to make sure the people looking at me did not see my internal world or emotions, yet here I have placed that experience on display, taking up space on purpose. To me, there has been much liberation in revealing my inner world and sharing this with others. It has afforded me connection, healing, community.